


Breathin

by v_nikki



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fever, Idol Life, friendships, sick, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 19:12:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17371730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_nikki/pseuds/v_nikki
Summary: "You guys weren't even singing."Doyoung forgot how to breathe.And somewhere deep down, a line shattered.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello guys! This is my first fanfiction for the ever so precious NCT mainly centering on Doyoung and Johnny (my two biases, kyaaa) and it is a two shots so here is the first part. Enjoy reading and leave me your most valuable thoughts! <3
> 
> p/s: Doyoung's cover of Ariana's Breathin is absolutely breathtaking, how ironic is that?

No one saw it coming is a total lie. Some might’ve predicted the situation but were too scared to share the thoughts out loud in case they ended up happening and the rest kept on believing that everything will turn out alright.

     Johnny was one of them. Being among the hyung line had made him witnessed many things; how the younger ones grow up every day to resemble something that screams youth and wisdom, how the hyungs also break from time to time only to rise even stronger and how they improved as a team of learning souls. He’d seen Taeyong fought through his scandals and survived with the help of his team members, Mark juggling his schedules between three different groups and being brave enough to complaint to his hyungs how worn out he was, and Jisung being the youngest having to battle his insecurities due to his lack of experience and proving to others he deserved a spot in the group with never-ending support from his hyungs.

     Johnny dare say that he had a fair share of moments his own when he thought things weren’t in his favor. How bleaked his future had seemed when he pondered on people questioning his choices of becoming an idol and almost giving up hope if it weren’t for his friends. Yes, as much as he hate to acknowledge it, they’d started out as business partners but it became so much more when they spend every second breathing in the same space, eating from the same spoon and drinking from the same bottles. They dream the same dream.

     They’re definitely friends.

By the time they return as a whole group of eighteen members, Johnny thought he knew every one of them and their special antics. _Almost_ , and he did know. He just hadn’t get to understand some of them yet.

     And surprisingly, Doyoung was the one who made him realized it.

It started drizzling again a few minutes before their turn and worried glances were shared as they watched the performers slipped and fell on stage. Fans were as loyal as ever; they stayed even when the weather worsened and their screams could still be heard above the steadily growing pour. No one wanted to leave and missed the chance of seeing their idols performing in front of them.

     Doyoung was grateful for that, but he couldn’t pushed away the fact that their maknae had basically face-planted himself on the stage at the beginning of NCT Dream’s song. And that was only the warning of many more to follow. It didn’t help when he caught sight of Jisung limping down the stage or when he himself butt-landed during NCT 127’s performance. He dreaded for their Black On Black stage to just end quickly and conclude their schedule for the day.

     But Doyoung saw a bigger problem to that; the song which consisted of eighteen singers to be on stage at the same time dancing to perfectly choreographed moves under the night sky sprinkled with rain screams trouble if anyone were to ask him. Not only does their choreography requires some amazing jumping and tumbling, they had a freaking tower to build on the slippery floor. How do you handle that?

     The last thing Doyoung had wanted was to appear anxious and scared, knowing how it would affect their younger members. He’d somehow hoped for one of the hyungs to voice out their concern and maybe tell the group to loose some of the steps such as the jumps or the twirls but he knew fully well why no one did.

     It would be a disappointment to not give their fullest for a performance and Doyoung among all understood that very well before he had even debuted.

But towards the end of one of their unit’s performance, Doyoung couldn’t help feeling the slowly rising rage as they geared up for Black On Black. He’d seen other groups returning backstage with limps and partially-hidden-grimace on their face. He’d watched the girl group members covering their sneezes and drying off their hair standing close to a moderate-sized heater barely enough for them to feel the warmth. It wasn’t the first time Doyoung questioned himself the price he had to pay for being an idol.

     “Doyoung, are you listening?”

The vocalist’s head whipped around at the sound of his name and he locked eyes with Taeyong’s round ones. He could see similar distress in the leader’s features; his frown growing deeper, his smile cut short and his shoulders squared up like he was going for a battle.

     Perhaps they were.

“Sorry, hyung. What were you saying?” He asked.

     Taeyong’s eyes never lost their focus. “I need you to look out for your side of the tower when we perform. Make sure everyone is steady enough before Mark climbs up.” The leader instructed in his deep voice.

     Doyoung nodded faithfully. “I will. You be careful, hyung.”

Taeyong returned the assurance with a small smile but the lingering forlorn look accompanied with a silent and tired sigh was more than an indication that the older was sharing the same thoughts as Doyoung.

     His head ached at the unending worries and not once did Doyoung stopped praying for the performance to end with no casualties. He looked around and caught sight of the rest of NCT’s, all drenched in sweat and rain mixed together and a blossoming pride spread from his chest unknowingly, tightening his usually wide smile to a barely concealed-like pout. They had come so far after debuting and he could imagine what awaits them in the future.

     He just didn’t see himself breaking at a point.

“Doyoung-hyung, what’s with the look?” Mark’s voice pulled him back from his internal conflict on how to lower the risks of their members slipping and falling on stage except to forfeit any kind of movements when they perform and that was out of the question.

     He smiled at the younger. “I was wondering if we could take out the tower part and improvise a little bit.” He honestly told Mark.

     “Why, hyung? That’s the coolest part of our stage, don’t you think? It’ll be a shame not to show it live to our fans.” The younger one spoke with no hesitance it made Doyoung licked his dry lips.

     _Being cool is the least of my worries, Minhyung-ah._

“Wait.” Mark suddenly said, his eyes blinking with understanding. “You’re worried about the stage, aren’t you?”

Doyoung nodded.

     Mark’s smile almost look painful if Doyoung didn’t know better.

     “It’s very hard to not slip but we’ll manage.” Mark assured him and the older wondered when had they changed the role.

     “Just be careful, okay?” Doyoung adviced him, eyes round and solid. Mark gave him a tiny laugh before he nodded his head and walked off to the others, leaving Doyoung alone to his thoughts once again.

     Their turn came.

They performed and Doyoung grew livid by the second for reasons he couldn’t fathom.

     A few slips. Some of them fell. But not as hard as Jisung did.

The tower was fine. But Doyoung felt restless even after they got off the stage for the closing ceremony and every one of them was equally soaked to the bone.

     That’s when Doyoung heard it.

He was passing by the small corridors leading to their waiting room, being among the few last members to walk down the stage and let the younger ones changed out of their outfits when a distant conversation caught his attention. No one saw him stopped in his track.

     “-kids are really desperate nowadays, don’t you think? They don’t care about falling down or breaking some bones just to gain popularity.” A voice quietly said. “At least some of them.”

“Not to mention having themselves fully lying on the wet surface. I heard one of them said they look _cool_ drenched like that and was hoping for their stylists to give them see-through clothes.” A man laughed.

The other one snickered. “They would do anything just to make the fans go crazy for them.” One of the two must’ve made a face at his statement for then Doyoung heard them chuckled.

     “I pity these kids.” A sigh. “Some trained many years just to share lines with the members and show up on camera for like what? Ten seconds?”

     Wait, what? Doyoung’s eyes flickered dangerously towards the source of the voice but he could only make out the back of the voice’s owners. One thing was for sure; they were workers for the concert as Doyoung took in the uniform.

     “Have you seen the group with eighteen members? The one wearing black and white.” What a coincidence.

“Yeah, yeah! Their stage was the most packed, wasn’t it? I heard they were some kind of a project group under SM.”

     A head nodded. “A project of pretty faces with no actual talent.”

Doyoung felt his head burned. He didn’t want to hear more.

     “Excuse me!” He called, surprising the two men at the corner as he approached them. Doyoung’s eyes caught the cigarette sticks in their hands and his face hardened. One of the two had a surprised look on his face as he quickly threw his cigarette down and put it off. The other one followed suit with a less worried gesture.

     “Are you looking for someone?” The shorter one between the two men asked, his voice suddenly a tone polite and his face smiling.

Doyoung internally thought he should get an award but he pulled off a smile as well and spoke with manner as he said,

     “I’m sorry but I overheard you two talking.”

“So?” The other man interjected, his face looking bored and Doyoung deided he didn’t like him.

     “You shouldn’t be saying something like that. At least not in public where anyone could’ve heard you. Like I did.” Doyoung explained, his eyes going soft as he tried to convey his message.

     “We were just chatting. And it’s you who were eavesdropping on us.” The taller man scoffed, glaring at Doyoung before he took in what Doyoung was wearing.

     The shorter man seemed to have caught on first.

“You’re one of that group we were talking about.” He stated with no shame.

     “What do you want, kid?” The taller guy asked, his tone accusing and Doyoung knew he was losing his ground when he locked eyes with them.

     “I-I just don’t think it’s right for you to say something like that.” Doyoung stammered and he bit his lips for that. He was mad, but he didn’t know whether it was at the guys or himself for not being solid enough to hold his argument.

The shorter guy then quickly spoke,

     “It was just our opinion. You shouldn’t have listened to it.”

“And now you’re going to rat on us and tell everyone about it.” The taller man added. Doyoung shook his head.

     “No, I won’t.” He told them, eyes getting rounder by the second.

The taller guy smirked. “Because you know it’s true.” He muttered.

A moment of silence and Doyoung felt as if he’d been slapped across the cheek for he felt heat rising up his face.

     The shorter guy had his eyes frantically moving back and forth between his co-worker and the idol before he decided to grab the taller guy by the arm and pulled him away from the spot.

     He said to the singer, “We should leave. Next time, try to mind your own business.”

They walked passed Doyoung but the vocalist had caught the last comment from the taller guy as they moved away.

     _“You guys weren’t even singing.”_

And as fast as the two workers had left, Doyoung felt his heart ached for unknown reasons.

     “Doyoung-ah!” It was their manager. He turned around, ignoring their manager for once and quickly made his way to their waiting room where half of the team were still there, changing out of their clothes looking totally worn out from the performances.

Doyoung was grateful the younger ones weren’t in the room because he knew he would lost it if he saw them. His eyes glazed when they landed on his hyungs.

     “Where have you been, hyung?” Jaehyun asked from the side of the room as he dried his hair. He was already in his casual clothes.

“Nowhere.” Doyoung mumbled and kept his head down. He proceeded to change his clothes at the corner, ignoring the questiong look Jaehyun gave him, oblivious to many other stares. He couldn’t deal with it at the moment, not when he knew he couldn’t think straight.

     And like the workers had said earlier, he should really learn how to mind his own business.

Johnny felt rather than see the changes in Doyoung’s presence. They were all taking off their soaked clothes when Taeyoung had asked them,

     “Has anyone seen Doyoung?”

He looked around and couldn’t spot the bunny-like guy anywhere in the room. Taeil then said,

     “I think he went to the bathroom.”

Their manager left, no doubt to look for the vocalist when the latter returned a minute later.

     The sight he caught was something Johnny had never seen before.

     “Where have you been, hyung?” He heard Jaehyun asked and Johnny strongly suspected something was wrong as he watched Doyoung kept his head down, hiS hair conveniently covering his face.

     He caught the small answer of ‘nowhere’ from the younger guy and that was it. No one said anything further or commented on how quiet Doyoung was as they packed their bags and were all ready to set home to their dorm.

     No one questioned it further on the ride home where Johnny was in a car together with Doyoung, Taeyong, Jaehyun, Taeil and Yuta. They were all exhausted and were ready to pass out for the day when Taeyong reminded them that,

     “Shower before bed. Otherwise you’ll end up sick tomorrow.”

“Jeez, Taeyong. Can you not jinx us with your pretty mouth? I’ve got schedule tomorrow night with Jaehyun.” Johnny joked, knowing their leader meant well and giving him a small smile.

     “We’re free in the morning, right?” Yuta confirmed from the seat in front of Johnny, gaze directed to the leader.

     Taeyong nodded. “Practice starts at 4pm.”

“Seriously?” Yuta huffed, his lips pouting slightly. “I think we just did the hardest version of Black On Black.”

     Jaehyun giggled. “You didn’t jump during your part, hyung. How was that hard?”

     “Yah! If I jumped, I would be at the other side of the stage. In. The. Crowds.” The Japanese member told him, his voice rising and knowing them, the conversation would’ve escalated to a messy noise if it weren’t for Taeil’s little speech.

     “Why didn’t you dry your hair, Doyoung-ah?”

The two vocalists were seated at the back of the van causing all heads to turn and silence was once again their company.

     “Doyoungie?” Taeil called. The younger guy had a mask on covering half his face and his eyes were covered with visibly wet dark strands. Johnny kept his stare on the younger a second longer.

“What’s wrong, Taeil-hyung?” Jaehyun called from the front, sending a worried glance to the oldest.

     “I think Doyoung fell asleep.” Taeil told them, forcing a smile out of the corner of his lips to hide the fact that he might’ve been offended from the lack of response. Johnny saw right through him.

     But Taeyong beat him to the words like he always does.

     “It’s been a long day for us.” His voice barely a whisper.

“The others are fine?” Yuta inquired, sending side glances to the leader sitting across from him. He saw Taeyong nodded his head and closed his eyes shut.

     “Yeah. Mark said he and Haechan will stay over at the Dream’s dorm tonight to tend Jisung. His shoulder was still aching when they left.”

Jaehyun tsked from the front. “He fell down pretty hard.” He said.

     “Kun fell as well at the end.” Yuta chirped in, eyes seeing something a few hours back when he felt the Chinese member glided on the floor and bumped into him.

Taeil hummed. “Are any of us having schedules in the morning?” He asked.

     Taeyong’s eyes opened at the question and his face scrunched as he think. “Not that I’m aware of.” He answered.

Taeil visibly relaxed. “Good.” He muttered.

     “Why, hyung?”

This time, Taeil smiled earnestly.

     “We’ll have the entire morning to recover and gain back ourselves.” Always the sentimental one, Johnny quietly mused at the eldest’ statement. And he couldn’t help but to agree with his hyung.

     Because somehow, a certain member had gotten himself hurt when he didn’t even fall or trip during their performances and was then feigning to be asleep when Johnny had undoubtedly caught the sound of sniffling from behind him. He suspected Taeil knew it as well being the observant one in the group.

     He waved it away, knowing that when morning comes everything will be out in the open and they’ll figure things out like they always do; together.

     Morning came, except it wasn’t how Johnny had visualized it during their ride home.

They reached the 127’s dorm a little after ten the previous night and they were all dragging their legs to respective rooms when Johnny remembered that Doyoung would be sleeping alone without Mark.

     “Doyoungie.” He addressed the younger who were still taking off his shoes by the door. The mask were still there and Johnny had the urge to push back Doyoung’s hair which was covering his eyes when he looked up.

     He didn’t.

“Come over to my room after you wash up.” He instructed in a tone that gave no space for argument. It wasn’t always necessary unless he was talking to the Dream members or he wanted to discuss seriously. He knew, and the rest of them probably hadn’t caught on the fact that something was bothering their rabbit prince, had been the entire time after the concert was done and he didn’t feel like going to sleep with things unresolved.

     But Doyoung wasn’t making it easy for him.

“Mianhe, Youngho-hyung.” The younger croaked out, his voice dry and muffled by a piece of cloth. “I’m going to bed after I shower. Tomorrow, perhaps?”

     He walked past Johnny and the older let him go, following his movements with the corner of his eyes contemplating whether he should bring up the matter to Taeyong or not. Johnny heard the door to Doyoung and Mark’s room clicked shut when Taeil joined him by the side.

     “Did he talk to you?” The oldest asked.

Johnny shook his head and sighed. “He said tomorrow. Should we tell Taeyong?”

Taeil squeezed him by the shoulder, his face a written affection.

     “Taeyong wouldn’t be able to do anything right now. So are we. You know how Doyoung is.” Taeil told him.

In fact, Johnny does know. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Doyoung in distress hence the reason why it was so easy to detect the trouble before they’d even reached the dorm. Doyoung had always been noisy in a good way, nagging to the members for reasons that are logical and keeping the sanity in check when Johnny was all hyped up with energy he knew not the origin of. Their personality had brought them together and in short amount of time, they got along pretty well. Johnny viewed the younger guy like an open book with clear margins and sharp contents. Anyone who are friends with Doyoung would agree if one were to say that he bare his soul for people around him.

     In short, Doyoung was harmless. Or at least that was what Johnny thought before he went to sleep that night. He failed to notice that Doyoung hadn’t come out from his room when the others had finished using the bathroom and how the lights were never off until morning came.

     And by then, it was already too late.

Doyoung tried, really he did, but for some reason which had nothing to do with the weighing exhaustion or the slight shivering assaulting his entire being he failed to force himself to sleep.

     It was his mind, he knew it. He was still thinking and it started to annoy him at a point when he tried to push back the thoughts only for other things to pop up in his head. He wanted to stop pondering and the only way for that to happen was to talk about it. To someone.

     And the rejection he gave to Johnny returned, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

What else could he have said? Doyoung wasn’t going to tell anyone about what happened, that was for sure. He’d been at the wrong place at the wrong time, if you asked around. And to repeat the things he heard out loud, it sent a wave of weird ache to Doyoung’s chest.

     He felt a tear slipped and he was too tired to move. Only the nature knew how grateful Doyoung was for Mark’s absence that night. He wouldn’t let himself be seen drowning from doubts that were spreading like wildfire in front of his younger members, he couldn’t.

     And the danger of being alone was something Doyoung didn’t know of back then, for the silence were much more poisonous than reveling his thoughts to a trusting soul. And Doyoung was already too deep in his own head. It was sheer fatigue that had forced his brain to shut down and he gave in to solitude.

A constant buzzing and continuous pounding brought him back to the real world when he opened his eyes. Doyoung’s eyes burned as he looked at his phone screen, the time blaring at the back of his mind indicating he’d only slept for three hours. The lights were on and it took him a slight move to realize how sore his body was. As he sat up on his bed, Doyoung’s head turned to Mark’s empty one. No sign of the younger guy giving him temporary relief as he wasn’t caught in a state of what exactly?

     Doyoung stood up and was hit with a wave of dizzyness as he walked to the door. He flicked the lights off and held the doorknob, only then realizing he was trembling. His head grew heavy and he knew the sandy feeling in his throat was more than evidence that he’d caught himself a cold.

     Great, he thought. He was losing his voice. And the words from yesterday intruded his thoughts with less effect but merciless all the same.

     _You guys weren’t even singing._

The grip on the doorknob loosened and Doyoung made his way back to his bed, flopping down unceremoniously as he closed his eyes shut.

     ‘Stop it.

Don’t think.

It won’t help you.

You know better than they do.’ The words were like chants to his mind as he repeated them for who knows how many times.

     Before he slipped into another slumber, Doyoung’s last thought was to erase the memories of yesterday when he wakes up.

And unknown to him, the slowly rising fever was already helping him forget some of the important things in his life. For example, their dance practice in the afternoon.


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey there, guess what? Part 2 is finally here!   
> Forgive me for my lousy update, it took me so long to write this out and when I was done, it ended up longer than I intended it to be in the beginning so yup, you saw it right. There's another part after this chapter hehe.  
> I hope you like this one! Thanks for reading :)

Part II

“Hyung. Doyoung hyung, wake up!” Jaehyun shook the figure on the bed by the waist and a soft groan followed. The younger guy had walked into the vocalist’s room to find the latter in a deep sleep. Mark was nowhere in sight.

     “What?” Doyoung croaked out, as disorientated as he could with his head still fuzzy and Jaehyun saw a resemblance of a drowsy bunny.

“Hyung, we’re having practice in an hour.” He said matter-of-factly. It sent a jolt of panic to Doyoung as his head registered Jaehyun’s words and he sat upright only to hiss in pain.

     “What time is it?” He asked, ignoring the sore spreading through his limbs at the unexpected movements and not seeing the look the younger guy gave him as Jaehyun scrutinized him under his gaze.

     “It’s almost three pm. What time did you went to bed last night, hyung?” He inquired, taking in the state of the older guy who seemed to be in a daze. He could make out the redness in Doyoung’s eyes and he swore he heard the older’s voice cracked a little bit.

Doyoung frowned, thinking. “Not sure.” He mumbled, swallowing the sandy feeling behind his throat in hope it would go away magically.

     “Hyung,” Jaehyun’s voice was low, “Are you sick?” He watched as Doyoung blinked his eyes a little too much and altogether avoiding his stare. After a minute of stretched silence, Doyoung finally spoke,

     “I think so.”

Jaehyun sighed. He lifted up his arm and placed the back of his hand onto the older guy’s forehead gently.

     “Your skin’s warm. Are you feeling hot?” He asked, moving his hand to feel for Doyoung’s neck. The respond he got was so Doyoung-like.

     “I’m always hot.” The bunny said with a tease in his tone and Jaehyun rolled his eyes, holding back his laugh.

“I mean you’re burning up.” He told the other vocalist. “Do you want me to get Taeyong hyung?” Jaehyun asked.

Doyoung gave him a look. “Why would I want that?” He questioned and the answer registered in his head a second too late. Taeyong was their leader, of course everything should be notified to him even when a member was under the weather so he could convey the message to their manager.

     “I’m fine, Jaehyunnie.” He quickly said, knowing how he must’ve sounded to the younger one. He braced himself as he moved to the edge of the bed and stood up, waiting for any wave of dizziness to hit him. When none came, Doyoung really believed his own words to work like miracle.

     “I’ll feel better after a shower. Let me know when manager hyung’s here.” He walked away from Jaehyun but then stopped in track.

“Is Mark home?” He asked, belatedly realizing his roomate was still missing.

     Jaehyun shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes and Doyoung felt annoyed at the movement when his vision doubled.

     “Mark and Haechan will go straight to practice from the Dream’s dorm.” The younger guy said as he watched the retreating back of their bunny prince exiting the room and heading straight to the bathroom.

     It wasn’t until the moment they were about to leave did Doyoung made his presence known. He had his mask on, the same one from the previous night and eyes trained on his phone. He didn’t know why but for some reason he felt countless stares drilling holes into his frame and it forced him to glare at the screen even more. He chose to ignore the slight throbbing behind his eyes.

     “Everyone ready to go?” The leader’s voice pierced the dorm’s serene and was followed by a chorus of ‘yes’ in different notes.

“Doyoung.” It was Taeil.

     He looked up to the older guy and saw worry glazing the other’s eyes.

     “Are you okay?” The older vocalist asked.

Doyoung mumbled his response when he realized he had his mask on. He nodded his head instead, eyes widened as effect. Taeil smiled a little.

     He opened his mouth to say something when Jungwoo interrupted their conversation and had Taeil’s attention diverted away from Doyoung. It kept him relieved for a small second when an arm found its way around Doyoung’s shoulder. They were walking out from their dorm and the afternoon sun hit Doyoung’s skin with no mercy.

     “Shouldn’t you be resting in bed?” Johnny sent him a questioning look and was rewarded with a surprised expression from the shorter guy.

“Jaehyun told us that you’re having a fever.” Johnny stated. He observed the younger member for a second longer and the red lines rimming Doyoung’s eyes were prominent enough to make Johnny scowled.

     “Did you even sleep at all last night?” He inquired further, releasing his hold on the shorter guy and he thought he saw Doyoung sighed before a cough assaulted him.

Doyoung cleared his throat but his voice was hoarse when he spoke,

     “I did, hyung. It’s the fever.” He told Johnny as they climbed into the car. Johnny quickly secured his spot next to the rabbit prince and caught the questioning look Doyoung gave him.

     “Remember last night?” Johnny asked. “You said we’ll talk in the morning.” It wasn’t technically still morning given the time but Johnny knew Doyoung wouldn’t be the one to bring up the matter between them. And although he was aware of how everyone else in the car was pretending not to listen to the two of them, Johnny couldn’t really pushed aside the urge to get things out of Doyoung even if it meant doing it in the presence of others.

     And the fact that the younger guy was unwell only added to his suspicion that something was bothering the vocalist.

Doyoung swallowed with effort and his eyes drooped a little it made Johnny think twice than to interrogate the guy but when Doyoung placed his head on Johnny’s shoulder, he knew he had lost the timing.

     “Let me borrow you for a while, Youngho hyung.” Doyoung croaked out as he closed his eyes and at that moment, Johnny found Taeyong’s gaze and a silent conversation passed between them.

     Shouldn’t Doyoung have stayed behind at the dorm?

* * *

 

      Their dance practice started with NCT Dream’s routine which was a first considering how their choreographer usually started off with all eighteen members warmed up and standing in the tower formation in no time. Johnny concluded it was the fact that the younger ones had looked extremely well-rested and anxious to start their practice – Chenle’s been screaming since he entered the room -  that their trainer let them take the floor first. Even Jisung was looking all patched up from yesterday’s fall and Johnny eyes trailed over to the corner, silently watching Doyoung huddled between Jungwoo and Winwin who were both holding their phones and discussing on something while the older guy was trying to keep his eyes opened.

     “You’re right.” Taeyong came up next to him.

“Huh?” Johnny let out, quirking his eyebrow at their leader.

     Taeyong sighed. “We shouldn’t have let Doyoung came along.” He muttered, eyes staring at the said bunny guy who seemed dead on his feet.

     Johnny frowned. “I never said that.”

“But everyone’s thinking the same thing, don’t you think?”

And true to Taeyong’s words, everyone had been sending the vocalist a worried look or a concerned gaze whenever he coughed and his shoulder sagged even more. Johnny noticed this, and somehow everyone was glancing at him as well as if hoping, expecting him to do or say something.

     If only Johnny knew what it was.

When NCT U’s Boss came on, Johnny stood by the side to watch the seven guys performed. Doyoung’s move was precised, calculative and disciplined it would’ve fooled many to think that the vocalist was in perfect shape. But Johnny wasn’t one of them.

     He could clearly discerned the forming beads of sweats on Doyoung’s forehead way too early in their routine and the slowly but surely turning pale face trying hard to concentrate. He tried to catch Doyoung’s eyes but the vocalist was determined to keep his gaze locked on the mirror. NCT 127 followed with Cherry Bomb and Johnny was sure some of them, namely Yuta and Taeil both caught it when Doyoung stumbled in between their moves and Haechan was sending him lasers of emergency signal from the way his face srunched up and his eyes widened once in a while. Johnny would’ve laughed if he could.

The song ended and Johnny grabbed his chance by pulling Doyoung to the less occupied side of the room, his fingers gently wrapped around the shorter guy’s arm and feeling the unquestionable heat radiating from him.

     “What are you doing?” Johnny asked, his voice low and eyes straight on Doyoung. Up close, he thought Doyoung looked ten time worse.

     The vocalist blinked at him. “What?” He croaked.

Johnny huffed. “You should sit out. I’ll let the choreographer know that you’re not feeling well.”

Doyoung weakly pulled his arm from Johnny’s grip. The taller guy didn’t bother to hide his hurt.

“I don’t want to.” He spoke stubbornly. Doyoung glared at the older guy and Johnny wondered what it was that pushed the vocalist to his own limit.

“Everyone’s worried about you.” Johnny let out softly and he caught the fluttering of Doyoung’s lashes as he tried to glance across the room looking at the rest of the group no doubt letting Johnny’s words to sink in.

Doyoung’s sigh was shaky. “They shouldn’t.”

“Doyoung-ah…” Johnny was persistent. “Please just listen-“

     “One more song.” Doyoung cut him off. “Just one more song, hyung. And I’ll sit out.” He pleaded.

Johnny stared at him hard. “Promise?”

     Doyoung nodded. “Whatever you say, Youngho hyung.”

And Johnny didn’t push further. He let the tension in his features to fade and stayed by the vocalist’s side until their turn came again.

     It was Black On Black.

Johnny didn’t think that the song mattered. Honestly, he was only focusing on getting their manager so that Doyoung could perhaps stay put instead of practicing seeing as how he was swaying on his spot. Sometimes, Johnny really had the urge to slap the guy on the back of his head not because he could reach it- Doyoung was pretty tall as well- but just so he could knock some sense into him.

     So it didn’t occur to him that something could go wrong. Besides, they’ve done probably the hardest version of Black On Black only yesterday when the rain was pouring and they could hardly opened their eyes to see where they were standing and the floor was their enemy as well. What was there to worry about, right?

“Doyoung hyung, you’re looking pale.” Was Jungwoo’s comment before they got into position for the song. Johnny should’ve known that it was a statement meant for disaster.

     The first note dropped and they moved with ease. NCT’s unison and capability in synchronizing were something to be envied by other groups, aspiring for the rookies and threatening to themselves.

     Because there was nowhere you can go once you’ve reached perfection.

And maybe that was why it took them a few seconds late to react when something went off, when one of them moved differently and when there was a thud on a line that wasn’t supposed to be there. Because they were all focused and set on one thing only.

     No one saw Doyoung fell and hit the floor.

Not even Johnny.

     “Hyung!”

One of the Dreamies – Jeno, had shouted and it reverbrated throughout the room, cutting off the song entirely and they all turned to his voice, looking at something that was crumpled on the floor at the very back of the space.

     Doyoung wasn’t moving.

The first to react were the closest in the formation, standing at the very back of the group were the eldest Taeil and the towering Lucas. The younger had shocked written on his face as he approached the vocalist while the older had his expression controlled, already moving close to Doyoung and getting down on his knees. Johnny’s mind only perceived what was going on as the others gathered closer to the rabbit guy and he barely heard Taeyong’s voice above the commotion when his eyes caught Doyoung’s distraught pale face, still on the floor.

     “Move back, everyone. Give him some space.” Taeyong’s leader tone took effect as the olders – Ten, Yuta, Kun and Jaehyun – held back the Dreamies from getting nearer to the scene. Jeno was about to let out a protest when Mark sent him a look and he grumbled on Jaemin instead.

     Johnny was still trying to fully understand what had just occurred. Did Doyoung fall? Tripped or something? It didn’t click in his mind that the younger had simply fainted and no one saw it.

     Because not five minutes ago Doyoung had spoken to him as if he was fine and telling him he’d finish one song before staying put for the rest of the day. Johnny’d actually believed that.

He felt a sort of remorse washed over him but then there was movement coming from Doyoung’s form on the floor and he took his place opposite Taeil, all rage and fury replaced with pure concern.

     “Doyoungie, can you hear me?” He asked, watching those feather-like lashes fluttered before revealing two hazy orbs.

Doyoung scrunched his face. “Shit…” He softly let out, hand reaching up to hold the side of his head and totally unaware of the stares his members were exchanging around him.

     It was on rare occasion like this they could ever hear foul words coming from Doyoung. And true to one’s perception, Doyoung would never curse unless deemed necessary.

     “Hyung,” came Lucas’s worried voice, “are you alright? What happened?”

     Doyoung’s gaze sort of cleared at the younger’s question, face softening at the sight of Lucas frowning and somehow Johnny knew Doyoung would blame himself for it.

     His lips parted and Johnny really wished the words he spoke weren’t just for comfort.

     “I play dead.” He joked. No one laughed.

Taeil was quick to cut him off. “Don’t act dumb, you blacked out.” He said, half-concealing his scolding tone when Doyoung visibly flinched at his words.

     “Are you sick, Doyoung hyung?” Lucas proceeded to ask. “Did you hit your head hard? Do you feel like fainting again?”

Johnny lightly smirked at the rapid questions and he watched how Doyoung went flustered. Someone approached him from behind and nudged his shoulder.

     Jaehyun held out a bottle of water and a protein bar to him, giving the older guy a knowing look.

     “He hasn’t eaten all day.” Jaehyun stated. Johnny recalled having woke up that day and lunch was already calling for them but he didn’t realize Doyoung wasn’t at the table as well.

And the anger returned.

     Still he smiled gratefully at Jaehyun, taking the bottle and bar from his hands before turning back to Taeil, sending him a silent message.

     Taeil got it in a blink.

     “Doyoungie, can you stand up?” The eldest asked and received a weak nod from the vocalist. Johnny wasted no time to encircle his long arm around Doyoung, helping him up and keeping him from face-planting again. He iqnored the frail protest from Doyoung in the act of a small push, no doubt declining Johnny’s aid and sent him a glare instead.

     Johnny wasn’t going to lie; he was mad at the younger guy.

He faced the group and said,

     “I’m taking Doyoung out for some fresh air. We’ll come back in a while.”

     Taeyong acknowledged him with a nod and a thumbs up. “Take your time. Don’t rush.”

They exited the place with Taeyong’s leadership taking full effect of the rest of the group and Taeil making sure no one, not even Jeno, followed them. Their choreographer had so conveniently left the place before the commotion started and Johnny hoped Taeyong could handle that as well.

“Where are we going, hyung?” Doyoung’s hoarse voice reached him as they walked down the corridor. He prayed so hard they wouldn’t bumped into anyone like their manager or their senior idols because it would be hard work trying to explain the situation.

     And Doyoung seemed to be thinking on the same track as well as he kept his head down so the long strands covered his face and he tried to keep his steps solid.

     Even in pain, Johnny thought Doyoung was always a clear-headed guy.

     If only that was true.

“Sit here.”

They’d turned to a secluded area in the building, having walked past many rooms and going round the corridors reaching the end of the hallway where there was conveniently a bench pushed against the wall. Doyoung obeyed, letting himself occupied half of the chair as Johnny sat next to him.

     The older guy handed him the water.

“Drink.” He instructed.

     Both of them saw how Doyoung’s hand was slightly trembling so Johnny kindly helped him uncapped the bottle before he drank it and only then realizing how thirsty he was. The taller between them watched silently, feeling helpless all of a sudden as he replayed what had occurred moments ago in his head.

     Doyoung caught the look on his face.

“You’re mad at me.” He stated.

     Johnny felt conflicted. He sighed. “What can I say? Things happened.”

     “You think I’m being troublesome.” Doyoung told him, eyes downcasted and bottle left forgotten in his grip.

Johnny clenched his jaw, hard. “That’s not… that’s- that’s so not true.” He said, finding himself losing words. “It doesn’t even crossed my mind.”

     Doyoung sniffed. “I’m sorry, Youngho hyung.”

That’s the second time in less than twenty-four hours Doyoung had apologized to him for unknown reasons. Johnny ran his fingers through his hair.

     “I’ll only accept your apology after you tell me what’s bothering you.” He muttered. “Something happened to you, at the concert yesterday.”

     He wasn’t asking, but to say he was stating a fact would be lying. Johnny was merely playing along the lines he’d seen fit into the situation and to see the lack of denial from the younger guy only confirmed his suspicions.

     He held back his anger.

“What was it, Doyoung-ah?” He asked softly.

     Doyoung’s gaze faltered. “Honestly, I…” He trailed off, rubbing both his palms together a little too rough Johnny thought he was trying to build a fire for a moment, “It wasn’t a big deal.”

That made the taller guy scoffed unintentionally.

     “You wouldn’t say that if one of us fainted and you wanted to know why.”

Doyoung avoided Johnny’s gaze, and he gritted his teeth harder. His frown was turning a hundred fold deeper and all Johnny could see were the traces of pain Doyoung inflicted on himself.

     “Talk to me.” Johnny pleaded.

And Doyoung’s gaze turned blurry. Because there was no way for him to retell yesterday’s event without breaking, and he didn’t want anyone to have to know about it.

     God, why was he so weak? He thought to himself.

And the longer the silence between them stretched, the further Johnny was from getting the answers he wanted and to be honest, his patience were already over the edge after he heard the sound of Doyoung’s head hitting the floor.

     He stood up, breathed out whatever rage was in him and let the tension flowed out until he was laxed. But by then, both of them could see how it was replaced by something else.

     Something Doyoung had feared for at least once.

Johnny had stared at him with disappointment written all over his face. There was no lie in it.

     And Doyoung wished it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you readers think? Should Doyoung just tell his hyung what was really bothering him? How would the members react? Your opinions mean so much to me so do leave comments. *kisses
> 
> Have a nice day <3


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